Life was hectic but my mind was even more hectic. I wanted to blame the chaos of my life on the crazy schedule. A schedule that, in large part, was created by me. Not only was there no peace in my day or in my home, there was NO peace in my head. My mind wrestled with meaningless chatter ALL DAY LONG. I would find myself waking at night to the sound of my own inane mental chatter…ugh. My life, my kids…let’s be totally honest, myself was driving me mad. Tears were always just below the surface. I had little to no patience for my children. As all mothers know, as soon as your children pick up on your impatience, they grow more persistent in their attempts to gain your attention, no matter what they have to do to get it. The fighting in my house was enough to drive anyone to insanity, but sadly I didn’t want to see that it was I that was creating the spirit of discontent.
Aside from the great sadness of feeling disconnected and disenchanted with my children, I was bummed at the lack of contentment I found in this new gorgeous home God had blessed us with. I was surprised that I could not find peace here. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God hand chose this house for us and but I couldn’t relax and enjoy it. Everyday felt restless and strained.
And then it all changed…
For my birthday, my only request from my hubby was a weekend trip by myself to Phoenix to see my mom and my sister. I knew all along that crazy, miraculous God things happen at my mom’s house. I guess my spirit knew that the time was right to take the big trip.
I won’t go into details but suffice it to say, it was just what the doctor ordered. I found my peace. I regained my center and was able to quiet my mind. The full realization hit me that no matter how desperately we want to hear God’s calling in our life, if we don’t shut up long enough, He can’t get a word in edgewise. A dear and gifted friend out in Phoenix told me that I will return a new woman and that I would spend my days “frolicking in the daisies”. A little frolicking is just what this Mama needed. To take a time out of busyness and schedules and just learn to be in the moment, this moment, the only moment that is real, is medicine for the soul.
I have been home for 3 hours. I have played with my kiddos, for real play, not the checked-that-box-now-can-I-do-something-else kind. I let my husband know how grateful I was that he blessed me with that time away. He was exhausted and drifted off to sleep. Then I happily, yes happily, put my children to bed. When they pulled the usual bedtime stall tactic of “just one more kiss”, instead of getting frustrated and telling them to go to sleep, I joyfully leaned in for just one more kiss.
Once the house was quiet, I grabbed my iPod and headed out for a walk. This new neighborhood is lovely. In the past few weeks I often considered taking a walk but instead opted to sit inside in my painful restlessness, a fact that now boggles my mind. There was no way that I wasn’t heading out tonight. I turned my Mumford and Sons all the way up and began my journey. First stop, the park at the end of the block. I had to find a spot to sit my butt down because the sunset literally took my breath away. Tears started to fall as I felt the overwhelming love that my father in heaven has for me. This homecoming gift filled my heart and soul to overflowing. It was all I could do to take it in.
So here I sit, renewed, restored, rejuvenated. The trick is going to be staying with it and not getting sucked back into the vortex that is life on this planet. Really, I prefer to try and stay out of the world and its grabby clutches. Here’s prayin’ all the good spirit growin’ seeds planted in the desert quickly take root and grow lush and fruitful. In Jesus’ name I pray AMEN!
Oh, and to any who are reading this, I HIGHLY recommend visiting camp Bethie Boo (Mom and Lindsey) if you are in need of a mind, body, spirit pick-me-up. There really is no better place! Book your weekend retreat now as space is going to become very limited when word gets out.